Hi. My name is Ashley and I’m a sulfate addict, apparently.

Anyone who knows me is aware I have very curly, frizzy, unruly hair (exhibit to the right). Accordingly, this means that I hate my curly hair and wish I had straight, sleek, sophisticated hair. This is this case across most of humanity – we want what we don’t have, nothing new here. Except that about a year ago, I started hearing about a way to actually have that straight, sleek, non-frizzy, beauteous hair without the fearful amounts of time and sweat that goes into making my hair like that (which the humidity ruins in about 10 minutes anyway!). It’s called a Brazilian Blowout (and bears NO relation at all to that other kind of Brazilian!), it costs an exorbitant amount of money, and it coats and seals each hair with a layer of keratin that smooths out all the bends and kinks and leaves it completely unfrizzed, untangled, and humidity resistant. It’s supposed to last 3-6 months, depending on how often you wash it. Sounds too good to be true, but I’d been fantasizing about trying it anyway, thinking I probably wouldn’t do more than that. I’m too cheap, for starters. Well, after my great – and straight-styled – haircut in July I loved my hair, but it was too much work, and it would go bumpy and weird quickly. And by the second day it was hopeless and would need complete restyling – NOT something I’m willing to do more than every other day. So I was back in the pattern of wash, straighten (which took forever!), then frizzy ponytail the next day. Blah. I needed to either try the Brazilian, or give up on the straight look. I had a coupon for 25% off this treatment (normally $350!), so one day at the end of July I decided to just go for it. I called for an appointment and she scheduled me for that day! (Probably didn’t want to give me a chance to change my mind! Smart woman.)

I won’t bore you with the details of the procedure, but after an hour and a half (and $260!!!), I had the smoothest, silkiest hair on the planet. Since a free stain (a semi-permanent coloring) was included with the coupon, even the extra-frizzy white hairs were dark and smooth! I LOVED my hair!!! I don’t know how my friends put up with me that first week – everyone indulged me with talk of my awesome “new” hair and watched me flip, flip, and stroke it repeatedly. I tossed my head back and forth just to feel it slide back and forth. (Yeah, I do have great friends!) I couldn’t keep my hands out of it. Neither could Caroline – who’s never been able to run her fingers through my hair like that. You may have an idea of what really curly hair looks like first thing in the morning – scary, seriously. But now, I got out of bed with movie-star perfect, silky, absolutely NON-tangled hair that didn’t even need brushing before I left the house (although I did, of course)! The Brazilian Blowout isn’t a straightener, so I could wear my hair curly if I wanted, but blow-drying it straight was so quick and easy, I always picked it. I’ve had curly hair my entire life – why would I want curly when I could have straight? (With a little curl at the end, just because I like it.) Chris showed extra patience with my narcissism, “Doesn’t my hair just look freakin’ fabulous?!” Bless the man, he always answered with, “Yes, but I like your crazy curly hair, too.” See, that’s why he’s a keeper.

But does this story end happily-ever-after? Is my hair still silky-smooth and shiny as I type these words? Of course not! Everyone knows that any good story has to have a conflict, and tragedy needs its fatal flaw. And baby, let me tell you now this story is a tragedy all the way. I just started with the fairy tale part – now it’s time for the evil witch to raise her pimple-y head (literally)!

The stylist told me when I got the treatment done that for my $260 I also got a free bottle of special sulfate-free shampoo and conditioner, which I needed to use so the treatment doesn’t wash off. Regular shampoo will wash the keratin right down the drain. OK, I decided that when I checked out, I would buy an extra of each so I wouldn’t run out quickly. Holy moly! Those suckers were $70 (for the set of shampoo and conditioner)! So, I did NOT pick up an extra set as I left. I’m really cheap, remember, and sheesh. But still, price of beauty, right? I could make the ones she gave me last a long time, I was sure. I used the super-duper shampoo and conditioner and LOVED my hair (I might have mentioned that already…). Problem was, by the second day (after washing it) my hair felt oily. It LOOKED fantastic, mind you, but felt oily. Also, (pay attention here) I started getting a few pimples across my forehead, deep under the skin, but they really didn’t show. Now, I had my fair share of teenage acne, but figured out quickly in those days that acne was linked to an oily scalp. So, I stuck my head under a faucet and washed my hair twice a day, and it helped keep the acne at bay. By the time I headed off to college, the acne was gone except for the occasional embarrassing eruption, and I could wash my hair every other day. These days, I go months without a pimple and certainly no breakouts – it’s just not an issue anymore. So with my hair feeling oily the day after it had been washed, and a few pimples popping up, I started checking on the internet to see if anyone else had this problem after getting a Blowout. I found a few mentions of people complaining of oily hair that went away after about a week. OK, no problem, but after a week it didn’t go away, and I couldn’t take the oily feeling, so I started washing it every day.

FYI, it totally defeats the point of waking up with gorgeous hair if you then have to go wash it and style it again – at least from my point of view. But still, my face was feeling rougher deep under the skin, so it was non-optional. Problem was, my scalp never felt CLEAN, even while I was washing it. Instead of rationing it, I found myself using extra gobs of the super-duper sulfate-free shampoo to try to get that clean feeling on my scalp, but I couldn’t. My hair still looked awesome, but my face was starting to feel like egg-crate underneath the skin. Like pebble-gravel on the deepest level. I’m talking deep-down acne, so it didn’t really even show, much, except in texture. I didn’t know what to do – I tried a knock-off brand of sulfate-free shampoo and used twice my usual amount, but every day (literally, EVERY DAY) my face got a little worse. It moved from my forehead down the sides of my face and along my jaw line, every day getting rougher. Thankfully, in my 35 years, I’ve learned a TAD more self-control than I had the last time acne bothered me, so I could basically leave it alone and not “mess” with it. Ugh. Even as a teenager, I never had acne over so much of my face. I couldn’t find a smooth space the size of a pencil eraser. One day, about a month and a half after getting my “perfect” hair, I found myself staring into the mirror and wishing I didn’t have to leave the house that day, because my face was so embarrassing, and I gave up. I found the strongest (and sulfate-laden) shampoo I could and washed my hair twice. The next morning, for the first time since getting the Blowout, my face looked the tiniest bit better. The picture to the right is my bumpy, freckled forehead pretty much at its worst, and it still doesn’t show just how bad the texture was.

It’s been over a month now (yep, I’m pretty behind on blogging here!) since I washed the Blowout out, and my face is still rough and bumpy, but it’s getting better each day. I can at least find a space the size of a pencil eraser that feels smooth – impossible a month ago! If you look for it, you can totally see it, but I don’t think it is very noticeable (if you think it is, DON’T tell me! Leave me my fantasy that it’s not the first thing you see when looking at me!). Since I don’t plan to ever try a sulfate-free shampoo again, ever, I think it’s fair to say I’m addicted for life. In fact, I’m going to consider it medicinal, since it significantly lowers my risk of death-by-infected-zit, which was starting to look like a real possibility.

So, yes, this was WAY more than you ever wanted to know about my hair (or my new-found acne), but since I’ve told so many friends how much I loved my HAIR with the Blowout, it seems fair to explain why I don’t ever plan to get another one, and why I don’t recommend it anymore. I really don’t think it had anything to do with the Blowout itself, but was due to the lousy shampoo. I never expected to find myself using $70 shampoo and conditioner (usually it’s Suave instead!), but I thought that IF I did, my hair would have to look freakin’ fantastic! And yes, my HAIR did look fantastic, but since my face feels like gravel, I think that cancels it out. Fortunately, I have some pretty wonderful friends who’ve reminded me that they love my curls, even if I don’t always. And Chris gets extra credit for his wise refusal to EVER admit that my hair looked better with the Blowout!